7 lifestyle tips to stop getting sick

Confession time: I prefer getting all my nutrients from food rather than popping supplements and powders. I focus on eating healthy and this used to be enough. I’d rarely get sick. Since becoming a Mum it’s a different story. Of course I took supplements prior to conceiving, during pregnancy and most of breastfeeding (I forgot here and there), and I irregularly take them now. Experience is telling me, though, that diet alone isn’t doing enough to build up my nutrient stores post children. It’s hard not to get a cold from a toddler child that needs cuddles and kisses and likes to give cuddles and kisses back. Pre-children I never got sick. I was dedicated to my fitness, ate a pescatarian whole food, low sugar, anti-inflammatory diet, and went years without so much as a cold. 

After two pregnancies and four and a half years of continuous breastfeeding (that’s a lot of nutrients sucked from my tissues) and, 5 years later, I still have my sleep interrupted by babes. I also have a child in day-care a couple of times a week who’s exposed to new pathogens constantly. It feels like I get sick A l l   t h e   t i m e.   I’m actually embarrassed about how often I get a cold. This is postnatal depletion syndrome.  

I’ve had enough. 

I’m boosting my nutritional profile by taking some concentrated vitamins and minerals, essential fatty acids and probiotics RELIGIOUSLY. And of course, botanical medicine. Medicinal Mushrooms are renowned for boosting the immune system, but intuitively, they don’t resonate with me at this time. Rather Echinacea, Baical Skullcap, Japanese Knotweed, Siberian Ginseng, Lemon Balm, Nettles and Withania are here to help me. I feel like my immune insufficiency is caused by nutrient depletion, and once I have those stores up, the mushrooms may be ready to help me. 

So here’s 7 lifestyle tips to overcome immune insufficiency caused by postnatal depletion:

1. Antioxidant rich foods. Antioxidants modify your immune response.  The phytochemicals that antioxidant rich foods provide the body help repair damage to your tissues caused by your immune response to infection. When you see colour in your fresh produce, you can safely assume that’s antioxidants, so that’s why the phrase ‘eat the rainbow’ is so popular. 

2. Getting adequate sleep: , the sleep hormone melatonin performs as a potent antioxidant, repairing and restoring your body. I know this is easy to say and not do when you mother small ones, so ask for help where you can, and do your best. It may mean turning off netflix and getting into bed earlier. Your sleep is much too valuable. 

3. Protein: Inadequate protein is linked to dysfunction in the immune system. Protein is available in meat, dairy, beans, legumes, wholegrains, eggs, nuts and seeds.

4. Wholefood diet - one that is based on foods that are as close to their natural state as possible. Not only do whole foods contain a wide array of nutrients, wider than foods that have been segmented, they also retain their vital force, or prana. Nutrients in their natural state work synergistically in the body to benefit the immune system. 

   Leave out

5. Sugar: Sugar is an immune suppressant with studies showing intake of sugar reduces the capacity of white blood cells to function properly, so therefore your immune response is weakened. Studies have shown that eating sugar can deplete the immune system for up to two hours after consumption. So that’s every time you eat sugar, you’re weakening your immune response for a time. 

6. Caffeine: Chronic and excessive intake of caffeine is likely to function as a stressor to the already depleted immune system. HOWEVER, in small amounts it’s actually anti-inflammotory, antioxidant and helps modulate the immune system, and may be particularly helpful in auto-immune conditions.  Yes I love caffeine. It’s been a saviour for me these past 5 years as I’m woken up often in the night and unnaturally early as well, that cup in the morning is supportive. If you’re having a lot, or having it with heaps of milk and sugar, then any anti-inflammatory effects may be lost. I try and keep to under 200mg of caffeine a day. For me this means using nespresso pods at home and rarely buying a coffee when out, as the caffeine content can vary greatly in cafe coffee. 

7. Preservatives: additives and colourings - Foods with these additives have, for the most part, long lost their vital force. Overly processed foods, while do provide calories to keep you going, do more harm than good in the long run. Often high in the wrong kinds of fats, sugars and a driver of inflammation, these kinds of foods wear you out. 

   If you’re rundown or experiencing repeated illnesses, nutritional and herbal medicine will help you build up your immune system and resilience. Nature has everything you need to thrive. Please book in for a naturopathic appointment for health coaching and a herbal and nutritional plan to restore your vitality. Life is too short to waste it feeling awful. 

6 household items you should lose to enhance your fertility

Plastics, and in particular BPA, build up in your system and can affect your fertility. The good news is that studies have shown that by reducing exposure, the amount of BPA in your system decreases significantly, and other kinds of plastics will likely reduce also. 

Head to your kitchen. Many kitchen utensils are made of plastics that break down when exposed to heat - directly into your food, and this is what you want to avoid. 

Replace all the following items with ceramic, glass or metal. 

• Reusable food storage containers - Ikea have some fabulous glass containers with timber lids

• Microwave safe bowls (don’t put plastic in the microwave all together)

• Reusable plastic water bottles and cups 

• Plastic tea kettles

• Colanders

• Blender containers that have been used with hot soups 

Although many plastic kitchen items in store are labelled BPA free, often the manufacturers have replaced BPA with a similar compound such as BPS that isn’t as well researched and may be just as damaging. In our society, until plastics are proven unsafe they are assumed safe. Perhaps they are, but then, asbestos was once assumed safe also, and with substances such as BPA proven to adversely affect fertility, it’s wise to err on the side of caution. The Handmaids Tale comes to mind (eep).

The plastics used for bottled water and food products on the supermarket shelf do not contain endocrine disrupting chemicals (EDC’s - the fertility damaging components of plastics) and you don’t need to stress as much about it. Reduce where you can and only drink bottled water when absolutely necessary. Tinned foods are more problematic than other shelf foods as the cans are lined with plastics. Although some are labelled BPA free, there’s no way to know what the replacement lining is, and whether it’s benign or not. In particular it’s important to avoid tinned tomatoes, as these are quite acidic and are therefore much better at leeching fertility damaging plastics into their juices. It’s easy enough to dice up your own tomatoes thankfully. Try and use fresh foods instead or products jarred in glass.

While preparing to conceive, ideally, you’ll be focusing on whole foods prepared from fresh ingredients and steering clear of processed foods. Not only are processed foods more likely to contain EDC’s, they’re also more inflammatory and overloaded with bad fats, sugar and salt.  You need a rainbow banquet of fruits, vegetables, healthy fats, protein and wholegrain to nourish your body and optimise your maturing eggs and sperm, so shopping at the farmers market for fresh produce and bulk food stores for nuts, dried beans and grains is not only better for the environment, but better for your future baby as well. 

Gorgeous baby image via upworthy.

Are everyday items destroying your fertility?

We’re nearly at the end of plastic free July, but saving the planet isn’t the only reason to get rid of plastic. Many, if not most, plastics out there have some form of endocrine disrupting chemicals (ie, they mess with your hormones and normal bodily function)  or persistent chemicals that hang out in your fat cells forever. In fact, in one analysis, 500 plastic products labelled ‘BPA free’ were analysed for endocrine disrupting chemicals. 90% were determined to contain endocrine disrupting chemicals and in some cases at higher and more damaging levels than BPA itself.* 

Whenever plastic is heated, frozen or exposed to the elements in any way it breaks down in tiny amounts and you end up ingesting it, such as from water bottles and take away containers, from water pipes in the ground, or through your skin from creams and cosmetics. 

Further to this, during pregnancy and breastfeeding your body will dump any plastic residues from your tissues into your baby while in utero and into breastmilk while breastfeeding. Alarmingly, pregnancy and lactation are the most efficient way for your body to detox these nasties - straight into your baby. Little is known on how much these chemicals affect the developing foetus however animals studies indicate there is a measurable negative effect on gene expression and health of the foetus as she grows to adulthood. 

I’m not here to alarm, don’t panic. Your body is wise and brilliant and can overcome these hurdles. For example getting plenty of folate in the diet has been shown to negate the negative effects of BPA. So there’s ways around it!  But please be wary and reduce usage of plastic products now. 

If you’re planning on starting a family, it’s wise to consider a full detox program approximately 6 to 8 months prior to first trying to conceive, especially if you have been exposed to a higher level of environmental toxins through your work, lifestyle and living environment. A detox takes approximately four to six weeks, and then you can start a preconception care program of approximately four months. You want as many nasties eliminated from your system as possible before starting your conception journey. 

*BPA has been proven to significantly disrupt fertility. Women with high levels of BPA are 87% more likely to suffer a miscarriage than women with low levels of BPA. 

Safe herbal immune support for Pregnancy and Breastfeeding

With a global pandemic and winter upon us (here in Perth), this is an anxious time for everyone but especially for those of us due to give birth in the coming months.  I love herbal medicine for protection from illness and immune support however not all herbs are proven safe in pregnancy - so what to do to nurture your health and immune defences while pregnant?

Pregnancy takes more nutrients out of you than any other time in your life - except breastfeeding, which takes more. In classical chinese medicine it is said that pregnancy depletes jing- life force - due to this very nutritionally taxing time. 

If you’re low on certain nutrients your natural immune defences may be reduced leaving you more susceptible to succumbing to illness or suffering a longer duration of infection. 

Eating lots of wholesome, clean and fresh foods is the best response. Think the rainbow of vegetables and fruits, whole milk, whole grains, avoid flour based foods, deep fried foods, overly refined foods (chips, milk chocolate, lollies) Get as much nutrition as possible into your day, and leave out foods that are inflammatory and drain your energy to digest them. this means no overeating, not too much sugar, you know right from wrong. 

Our culinary herbs containing rosmarinic acid are have wonderful immune boosting properties, these include rosemary, thyme, lemon balm, sage and oregano. These are all delicious in soups and stews so add plenty to your meals. Lemon balm is lovely as a tea, is easy to grow, and also calms your nerves and helps you off to sleep. Enhance your connection to the herbs by thanking the plants for helping protect you against illness as you sprinkle them into your dinner.  

IF you are nutrient deplete, supplements are a good way to build up your reserves again. Iron is commonly depleted during pregnancy so get your levels checked and ensure you’ve got good reserves. Zinc, B vitamins and other micro-minerals are important and a good pregnancy multi-vitamin will ensure you get adequate levels of these in combination with a nutritious diet. 

Plant Medicines can help you

Not all herbs are deemed safe in pregnancy however there are plenty of herbs that can be used to help you get over an infection, prevent a virus from doing serious damage, or to boost immunity beforehand.  Echinacea builds up the immune system and staves off colds and flus,  and has been proved quite safe for pregnancy and breastfeeding. Elder flower is  beautiful and nurturing, as well as delicious. Astragalus and Baical skullcap are especially supportive against Coronaviruses and are both quite safe in pregnancy. I recommend chatting with a qualified herbalist for specific doses. 

And Sleep. 

Personally for me, pregnancy was the only time in my life when I would crash as soon as my head hit the pillow and slumber all night long - until the very last weeks when my belly got in the way. Melatonin is produced at night time and especially while we sleep. Melatonin is also one of the best defences we have against the Coronavirus sweeping the globe right now. This powerful antioxidant repairs and prevents damage caused by the virus and researchers are investigating the possibility of using supplemental melatonin in treating Covid-19 patients in hospital. You can boost your natural reserves by getting up just after sunrise, spending a good amount of time outside during the day (and boosting your vitamin D levels - another important immune defence nutrient) and making sure you turn off screens an hour before bed and have some wind down time. 

Also every hour of sleep you get before midnight is worth twice as much as the sleep you get after midnight. I find for me, lights out at 10pm is optimal, and I’m a night owl, so lights out earlier as you wish. 

4 things about mental health

One

Stress causes cortisol to rise, and high levels of cortisol affect brain function. As you know, we all have stress, stress is normal, some of us deal with it better than others. Some times of our lives are way too stressful. Too much stress causes problems, and so can too little. So self care, giving yourself breaks. Investing time in your relationships, allowing time for play, and laughter. Giving yourself down time and allowing for adequate sleep. These will all help keep you well. If you can’t destress adequately on your own, there are herbs for that, seek help.

Two

It’s understandable to reach out for numbing when we’re down in the dumps. Ciggies, alcohol, caffeine , drugs, junky food, sugar, fried things, too much TV, no exercise.
 These things cause inflammation in your body- including -your brain in varying degrees. Some of these things cause neurotransmitter imbalances that lead to depression.  The subtle inflammation in your brain degrades your mental health.    

When in the habit of excessive use of any of these numbing behaviours your mental health suffers. All the discomfort of addiction is caused by the withdrawal of the substance your using. Continuing to use perpetuates the discomfort. The only way to end it is to break the cycle and sit through the discomfort.  

Three

It’s been conventional to treat mental illness purely as a physical imbalance in brain chemicals. Patients are treated with medication, a bottle of pills … or several.. .depending on how ’serious’ your mental illness is, and sent home.

But this isn’t working, consistent data from scientific reviews shows that targeting one or two neurotransmitters with pharmaceuticals often fails to provide overall meaningful clinical efficacy. Enormous amounts of randomised controlled trials have been used to study antidepressants, with the majority demonstrating only moderate superiority compared to placebo, leaving many patients experiencing treatment-resistant depression.  Medication helps, no doubt it helps, and many people really do need their meds to function from day to day. But while benefitting from the ‘balance’ found through the meds, patients need healing. Mental illness is every bit spiritual as it is physical I have no doubt. And we are severely doing a disservice on the spiritual healing side of things for the average mental health patient in our country. They are given a bottle of pills and left to their own devices. - And this means not even assisting to get in to see a psychologist. The psychiatrist doesn’t do any cognitive therapy anymore, they just prescribe in 15 minute appointments.   

Four

You need a good healthy gut and a solid nutritional profile to be mentally well. Most of your serotonin - aka happy juice - is made in your gut. You need a complete amino acid profile, healthy fats, some nourishing carbohydrates and all the colours of the rainbow for minerals and vitamins to keep your neurotransmitters firing happy. You need to eat well to be well. If you are deplete you are not going to be as well as you could be. There are a range of nutritional supplements and herbs that can help you get to where you need to be, so book a naturopathic appointment for help to make some health goals, get some investigations done and receive evidence based guidance on what you need to eat and take.

BPA affects your fertility - here's what you can do about it

Th story of how BPA (bisphenol A)was discovered to contribute to infertility is an interesting one. It was August 1998 and a research group at Case Western Reserve University were studying egg development in mice. Suddenly, seemingly overnight, there was a dramatic increase in chromosomally abnormal eggs - that is eggs that won’t produce a healthy, living baby. Until this point 1-2% of the mouse eggs where chromosomally abnormal, but that jumped to 40% all of a sudden. After a thorough investigation the researchers discovered that BPA had been leaching out of the plastic cages and water bottles after being washed in detergent. Once all the damaged plastic cages and water bottles where replaced, the rate of eggs with chromosomal errors returned to normal. 

It’s difficult to avoid all BPA as it’s present in many everyday items such as packaging and paper receipts from the store. The good news is minimising your exposure will go a long way to reducing the risk of BPA affecting your fertility. In several studies on women undergoing IVF it was found that those with the highest levels of measurable BPA in their blood had more abnormal eggs, and less eggs that successfully fertilised and developed than women with lower levels of BPA. Women with higher levels of BPA also suffered more miscarriages.

However it was found that eating 400mg of natural folate from your diet daily - from foods such as leafy greens, brassica vegetables and lentils pretty much cancelled out any negative impact of BPA. 

The point is don’t stress about being exposed to BPA, but make moves to reduce it. Don’t drink out of plastic water bottles. Don’t eat out of plastic containers and especially don’t heat food in plastic containers. A lot of tinned foods are largelyly BPA free however many companies are replacing BPA with similar chemicals such as BPS and BPF. 

An ode to breastfeeding

I once read in the comments section on facebook, that ‘breasts are for sex and for feeding children.’ This was quickly followed up by guffawing of other commenters “Ahem, breasts are for babies!'

After four years of continuous breastfeeding, I can assure you breasts are most definitely for babies. Everything about their design, the softness, the lumpiness, the silky nipples that are such a joy for babies to grab onto, babies love fondling tags on toys, and nipples on boobs. the squishiness, their warmth, the position on the body so you can hold the child to your breast, lie with them and stroke their little heads. The love hormone oxytocin release stimulating bonding between mother and child, all for babies.

When my milk first came in about two days after giving birth to my daughter I looked like I’d had a boob job. They were so big and round and sat up just so. Now I understood that what my culture agrees to be the perfect breast, is the look of a breast engorged with breast milk, and completely capable of sustaining new life. It made sense, I forgave mankind a little bit that day. I hoped my boobs would stay like that, they didn’t.

My time of breastfeeding is drawing to a close. we have no more babies planned. For over four years my boobs have been at the beck and call of my babies. First one, then both, and then the other one.

Now my son is 2 and a half and the weight of his body and the feel of his latch tell me instinctively that it’s time to wean. My daughter, who is 19 months older, was also 2 and a half when I weaned her. I breastfed them both - as in at the same time tandem style, yes one one each boob, - for almost 12 months. They offer the best of convenience, delicious warm milk on demand, comfort when sad, bonding and togetherness, play and enjoyment. A remedy when hurt. My children both loved their boobies.

Breastfeeding hurt at first. They tell you it doesn’t hurt if the latch is right. Not true, it hurt. It hurt no matter how many times I had my child's latch checked and assured it was fine, no matter how many times I ‘made my boob into a burger and squeezed it in her mouth', breastfeeding hurt. They say that fair skinned red heads feel the most pain when breastfeeding. I’m a fair skinned brunette so perhaps I come in in a second or third on the pain stake. My nipples became sore and cracked and bled. By day 11 feeding was agony but I gritted my teeth. I was determined. I used a nipple shield for every feed for three days out of necessity. I healed, and then it never hurt again.

My milk sustained them and though they both were born rather skinny, they grew chubby very quickly. Fat little rolls over their thighs, up their arms and on their cheeks.Sweet little smiles and shiny eyes, only for mummy.

I love the snuggly closeness, the shared bed convenience. How easy it was to stumble out of bed at that first wake up cry at 5.30 and climb back into bed with them, warm and cosy, feeding away. The beautiful smells of my babies head, their chubby little hands, their innocent sweet eyes taking in all around them, always happy to be on the boob.

They say not to feed to sleep, but feeding to sleep was one of the most relaxing parts of my day, and personally one of my favourite things about breastfeeding. Feeding to sleep absolutely saved me when I was home alone with two babies who needed to nap. A chance to lie down and often snooze with my little one. And in the evenings, guilt free time scrolling my phone amidst the dinner/bedtime routine and then the clean up grind.

My child was safe, happy and warm in my arms with all their needs being met.

With my first baby I tried following a sleep routine to get her in the habit of 12 hour nights by three months old. A 12 hour night didn’t happen until she was way over 18 months. I couldn’t follow the advice, it went agains all my mothering instincts: “let baby feed for 40 minutes, otherwise they’ll be hungry and wake up sooner” My child wouldn’t feed longer than 15 or 20. Don’t feed to sleep, put baby down relaxed but awake, yeah right. Being separated from her boob wasn’t relaxing for my baby or for me. Leaving the child on the boob was much more relaxing for everyone involved.

Even now, removing my toddler from the boob isn’t relaxing. We’ve cut out the snuggly wake up morning feed, and my mornings are much more accomplished because of it. Next we’ll cut out the night feed, and last of all, the midday nap feed. This one is last because I’m not convinced I’ll be able to get my son to sleep in the day without breastfeeding, but we shall see.

As I write this, I’m relieved I still have breastfeeds left to give, because the thought of stopping completely will mark the end of my baby-mummy years, and that’s sad. It’s also beautiful, as now I have gaps in my days to create and accomplish what I could never have done with two under two, or even two under three. Coming out the other side of extreme baby years is like rediscovering who you are all over again. And I still get to cuddle (and sniff) my children every day. There’ll be no risk of my child pulling out my breast in public. And I’ll be keeping the necklines of all my clothes intact.

This was the first major family outing I’d been on since giving birth to John John. We’d been driving for about half an hour and the kids were both losing it. We stopped for a booby break.

4 surprising ways to get True Rest

So often we hear advice to ‘rest’ but what does that really mean?  I’ve noticed, especially when taking what I think of as physical rest, that I often feel like it goes too quick and I’m not any more energised. 

True rest comes in many forms. 

1 Physical Rest

This is what I most regularly think of when I hear the word rest. Quite often I fantasise about lying on the couch watching netflix for as long as I want. Or even better, lying in my bed reading books, laptop and phone within reach,  teapot at my side, uber eats at my fingertips. And then of course, there’s the holiday style of rest, lying by the pool at the resort, sun on your face. Most importantly of all though, there’s sleep. Adequate sleep. That you need to get every single night. 

I used to consider myself a night owl. What my fuzzy brain struggled to understand at 2pm became clear at 9.00pm and suddenly all my resistance was gone and I could work away. When I would eventually get into bed I’d lie awake for a while, and I’d tell myself because I’m not falling asleep there’s definitely no point in getting to bed earlier. 

But then I discovered that by getting into bed at 9.30, reading for half an hour and turning out the lights strictly at 10pm I’d fall asleep almost immediately. I’d sleep all night long and I’d wake up rested. Absolute game changer. 

A ritual bath is another wonderful way to get some physical rest. Run a bath, add flowers, crystals, magnesium salts, essential oils. Light candles and dot them around the room. Play music. Soak. 

And then of course there’s bodywork and massage therapies. As humans we have a fundamental need for physical touch. Receiving kindness in the form of bodywork therapy heals on several different  levels. 

2. Active Rest

The best way to go about this one is to get into your body. Deeply. Perhaps with exercise, such as a run, yoga poses, breath work, slow and deliberate walks in nature. Wonderful sex. Being present in your body can take you out of your mind in supremely positive way. Have you ever had inspiration hit you right in the throes of some heavy exercise, like in a cycle class? I have. Getting into your body can open up some channels to your higher wisdom, because you’re no longer blocking it with lower vibrational or fear based thoughts. The word Inspire is from the Latin word inspirare meaning ‘to breathe in'

3. Emotional Rest

Sometimes a break from the constant worry and pain we put ourselves through, or our loved ones put us through, is a pure blessing. Life can drag you through the ringer. It’s completely normal to be controlled by our emotions, but it’s not necessary.  And then there’s the tight and restrictive emotional anguish caused by guilt, anger and regret. 

This is where forgiveness practices, gratitude practices and acceptance practices shine their light. Finding peace, even temporary peace, with a situation that has been causing anguish and worry offers immense relief, if only for a short time it’s still worth it. Look our for free meditation podcasts on forgiveness. Practice wild compassion with yourself and others. Come into the present. I love the subtle vibrations of flowers and crystals for helping heal on the emotional sphere. Seek out flowers or rocks that attract you. Sit with them with the intention of relief. Or book a flower essence consultation with a qualified practitioner and get your own personal blend. 

4. Mental Rest

Our inner dialogue can really beat the hell out of us if we leave it unchecked. We are so often our most unforgiving critics. Here forgiveness (of self and others), non-judgement* and again, conscious acceptance practices, can bring happiness. Journalling, with a focus on what you like about yourself, lessons you’ve learnt, and advice to your younger self can really help. Exercise, such as in active rest, is wonderful here. If feeling stressed out and anxiety are common there are many wonderful herbs that can help you boost your resilience and find balance. 

So when you’re feeling worn out consider what kind of rest you could most benefit from. Be kind to yourself and schedule some in. Then you can rock on shining your light and being the beautiful, necessary and important beacon you are with a full cup.

*I loved Gabrielle Bernstein’s book Judgement Detox, for understanding and de-constructing our own judgements (hint: all your judgements about others are a reflection of your own fears or pain). And understanding the judgements of others. 

The Best Basil Pesto

I’ve tried all kinds of pesto recipes over the years, kale pestos, walnut pestos, coriander pestos, almond pestos, but by far the best is the deliciousness of the traditional recipe of good old basil, pine nuts, olive oil and a pinch of salt. Garlic and parmesan are optional extras.

The strong flavour and fragrance of basil tells of the herbs powerful antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties. The olive oil and pine nuts provide healthy fats. Only use fresh pine nuts and store them in the fridge, as they go rancid quickly.

Ingredients

2 - 3 handfuls of fresh basil leaves

1.5 - 2 tbs pine nuts

2 tbs Extra Virgin Olive OIl

a pinch of salt

1 - 2 tbs parmesan (optional)

1 clove garlic crushed (optional)

Method

Blend all the ingredients together into a paste. I like to put all the ingredients in a glass measuring jug and use a stick blender to combine as I find it easier to clean. A food processor or even a morter and pestle are other options.

Your pesto is ready to serve.

Womb-Calming Berry Cacao Smoothie with Granola (for that time of the month)

The second day of my cycle and my womb was angry this morning. Usually my period greets me with a hardly bothersome twinge in my womb space that lasts about an hour and then is gone.  

BUT with christmas, two plane trips alone with two kids under 3.5. And then ALL the dysfunction of my family in between. The past cycle has been particularly stressful. My health habits were wanting, a side effect of being back amongst my bloodline amidst the festive season.  More grog, more crappy foods, less exercise.

Experience has told me that ALL OF THIS leads to a crampy sad uterus come the  dark moon.

The craving for chocolate, or Cacao in its raw form, is more than just pleasurable desire at this time of the month. Cacao is a good source of magnesium, a mineral that helps muscles relax as well as about 160 other actions in your body. Therefore it’s wonderful for helping your uterus calm the fuck down. I love the berries for boosting my energy and my insides as well.

Anyway

1 cup of raspberries

1 cup of mixed berries

2 cups of water

1 banana

2 tsp of cacao

1 tablespoon of hazelnut cacao butter

2 tsp of maple syrup/honey or to taste

Blend Blend Blend, sprinkle granola on top. Those granola carbs at bleeding time are delicious.

Other tricks that helped tame the angry womb this morning: Laying in a hip opening yoga pose while I listened to a guided meditation by Dannielle Laporte that placed me deep, deep, deep in a green rainforest of creation. I nodded off towards the end and woke cured.

Eggplant and Lentil Casserole

Ingredients

• Olive oil
• 1 brown onion
• 3 cloves garlic
• a generous pinch of mixed dried herbs
• 1 large or 2 small eggplants, chopped
• 1 zucchini
• 1 bunch silverbeet
• 1 tin lentils
• 1 tbsp tomato paste
• 1 tin tomatoes
• dash of red wine (optional)
• 1 cup vegetable stock
• 350g of Ricotta
• 2 eggs
• 1 ball of mozzerella
• Salt and Pepper to taste, fresh basil or parsley to garnish

1. Preheat oven to 180°C
2. Chop the onion and garlic. Chop the eggplant in 1 - 2 cm pieces. Pour a glug of olive oil in  large casserole dish on the stove top and turn heat to medium,.
3.  Pop in 2 of the garlic cloves and saute for 30 seconds. Add the eggplant and stir to coat in oil. Add 2/3 cup of stock. Cover with lid and let simmer, stirring occasionally.
4. When the eggplant has reduced by 2/3 scrape off the bottom of the pan and remove. Add the onion and brown, adding a pinch of salt and the herbs after a few minutes with a little bit of the the stock. Add in the other garlic clove, tomato paste, the tin of tomatoes, the wine. Let it simmer a little, add in the zucchini, and silverbeet. Simmer and stir for about 7 minutes until the silverbeet has completely wilted and cooked, add in the lentils and return the eggplant back to the pot. Mix up and cook through.
5. Meanwhile beat the eggs into the ricotta cheese, and tear up the mozzarella. You can start adding bits of the mozzarella to the casserole dish and stir through. When the whole mixture is bubbly, take off heat and sprinkle some mozzarella over the top, covered by a thick layer of the Ricotta mixture, add remaining mozzarella to the top.
6. Pop in the oven for 30 minutes.  Season to taste and garnish with fresh herbs. Your casserole is ready to serve.

Fertility: For all the people with heartbreak

It’s national fertility week. Here’s a shout out to the women and couples with heartbreak.   

For the terrible two week wait. Where you wait and hope and believe “this is my month” but then your period arrives, just like all the other times. Your heart sinks.  

When you’re not sure when you ovulate, and the performance anxiety that comes with the pressure.  

Taking yet another pregnancy test. Negative.  

For the losses, all the devastating losses. 

For the expense, those fucking needles. The hope. The disappointment.  

The well meaning acquaintances who ask “when are you having kids”  

the friends that get pregnant at the drop of a hat.  

Infertility is shitty. x 

Sending love.  

Nurturing your feminine spirit in a misogynistic world

Once, sitting on an outside table having a drink and a laugh and chat amongst travelling strangers, I witnessed an assault that was born of nothing other than pure misogyny.

I was 18, and was earning my living and a bed, by doing a bit of cooking and cleaning at a ‘backpackers’ I use the term loosely.

Graham, the owner, was hiring out rooms, mainly to young backpackers in Byron Bay.

On this night however there was myself, my friend Tasman, a 28 year old Australian male, Graham, 52, grey hair and sharky eyes, another person my memory no longer places, and a new arrival, a 27 year old petite, pixie cropped, red head from Sydney. I can’t remember her name, but she was a writer, and she had booked a room for a couple of weeks to concentrate on her writing. She was filled with hope and optimism and self assurance. She spoke with conviction. I was impressed by her. To my 18 year old self she seemed mature and worldly.

We were all chatting, smoking cigarettes, laughing. Getting to know one another.

And then out of the blue, while this pixie-haired vivacious woman expressed her opinion, shark-eyed Graham picked her up by the hair, and threw her like a rag doll against the balcony railing, disgust and fury on his face. She bounced from the railing to the floor, knees buckling.

I screamed at Graham to stop, so did she. It’s a bit of a blur, 16 years ago now, but I ran to a couple of doors to a much friendlier backpackers to use the phone to call the police. Tasman took the victim to his room downstairs and sat with her until she figured out where she was going to go next.

I was shocked. There was nothing in the conversation to provoke an attack like that, particularly from a complete stranger. They weren’t in argument.

I don’t know why Graham attacked that woman. But I can make a few guesses. I believe that shark-eyed Graham felt he was being outdone by this intelligent, beautiful and driven young women,and he was threatened by her.

He didn’t believe she was entitled to her opinions. She was talking, sharing her story and he wanted to silence her. So he used force.

I moved out of shark-eyed Grahams backpackers the next day. He spoke to me in the living area. After a string of derogatory slurs aimed at the assault victim, he threatened me indirectly “I don’t know who rang the cops but if I find out anyones been speaking to them I’m going to …………………” I can’t remember his exact words. He knew it was me of course, this was his way of silencing me. It worked, I didn’t make a statement when the police dropped by and invited me to the station.

This is an extreme example, but all women have been silenced or ignored in our culture in one way or another. We’re spoken over socially, and corporately. We’re judged negatively for speaking with firmness or certitude. We’re seen as less worthy both physically and financially. And it’s complete bullshit.

This is why womens circles are important. This is where we can speak, be heard, not be judged or disregarded. Not be forcefully silenced. And when we sit together, we help heal these long held wounds. And we can overcome them, and in turn help our community overcome them. And little by little, we will heal the world.

The divine feminine is rising. And she is just as worthy as the masculine.

Womens circle is starting this Saturday at The Meeting Place, South Fremantle. Bookings are essential. Send me a message or email. xxx I'm be honoured to sit in circle with you.

Addiction: Are you in a cycle of desire and distraction? Read this:

Life is full of cycles. I like to think we cycle upwards, each time we come around to the start we know a little more, we’ve become a little wiser. We crush it a little better then before. Ideally we ride a spiral of continual improvement.

But obviously this isn’t always the case. I know personally I’m aware of cycles that come up over and over. I know they don’t serve me but there I am, yet again addicted to sugar, drinking to much coffee, staying up way to late, whatever.

Often there is a deep shame about the things we do that we shouldn’t. Yet we do them because we get something out of it, deep in our brains our reward centres are being triggered.

Repeated often enough the behaviour that gets the reward gently turns from compulsive to impulsive. Suddenly we don’t even recognise we’re about to stuff some carbs into our mouths and we do it without thought. The trick is to override the desire, the cravings. Like we need to learn to tolerate them because the outcome where that desire leads us is not serving us.

That’s the thing, what we desire isn’t necessarily what we want.

I have a hunch that talking about these issues out in the open, sharing out stories, becoming aware of where and why we do them, and practising mindfulness will go a long way towards healing unproductive cycles of desire and distraction.

This is exactly what we’re doing in circle. We’re going to sit and share our stories, whatever they are, what’s good, what’s bad, and what we want to be doing better. We’ll be sharing in a sacred, female only, non-judgemental, supportive environment.  The goal is to find more joy through what truly nourishes us, rather then the cheap and easy solution that does you a disservice.

We’re starting on September 8th,

and please send me a message if you have any questions.

naturopath + shiatsu massage

Cabbage, cheese and buckwheat pasta casserole

This mysterious slice of deliciousness is a casserole created from layering buckwheat pasta twists with cabbage, carrot and silverbeet with butter and sage. The pasta is 100% buckwheat, so gluten free, high in protein and low GI. Most gluten free pasta is highly refined, and therefore high GI meaning it spikes your insulin faster ultimately leading to inflammation and even weight gain. So buckwheat pasta is definitely a good option, and completely delicious too.Top the whole thing with a heap of cheese, and then bake in the oven.

Ingredients

• himalayan pink salt
• 2 sprigs of thyme
• 1 sprig of fresh sage
• 2 tbs extra virgin olive oil
• 2 tbsp unsalted butter
• 1 onion, sliced
• 1 large garlic clove
• pinch of red chilli flakes
• 1/4 head of green cabbage
• 1 cup sliced carrot
• 1 cup vegetable stock
• 1 big bunch of silverbeet, or use kale
• 3 cups of grated cheese, such as cheddar or gruyere

Method

1. Preheat oven to 180 deg C. Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil.
2. cut up the sage and strip the thyme from the sprigs. Heat the olive oil and butter in a heavy pot over a medium to high heat. Add the onions and herbs and cook, stirring occasionally until the onions are translucent.
3. Add the garlic and red chilli flakes, cook for about a minute and then add the cabbage and carrots and cook until the vegetables begin to soften. Add the vegetable stock and simmer until reduced by half.
4. Meanwhile cook the buckwheat pasta noodles according to packet directions.
5. Ladle out three cups of pasta water and add to the vegetables. Drain the pasta and set aside.
6. Bring the pot of vegetables to the boil, then remove from heat and stir in the pasta. Toss to combine.
7. Season with salt and pepper and sprinkle the cheese on top. Bake in the oven uncovered for 30 minutes until the cheese is bubbling.
8. Garnish with parsley and serve.

Pre-conception Care Works

If you knew you could enhance the health of your future children wouldn’t you do it?  

You can. There’s good solid evidence that suggests the health of you and you partner at the time you conceive, while you carry and in the early life of your child has a profound outcome on their lifetime health.

At the age of 30 I wanted to conceive a child but I’d literally spent the past 12 years partying almost every weekend, because, well, I like a good time. My party days were over however and I was willing to do ANYTHING to ensure a healthy pregnancy and baby.

I’ve always been into healthy food, and I was a regular exerciser for years. but I also loved good healthy (read robust) drink on the weekends.

I wanted to undo this damage as much as possible before conceiving. I completed a preconception care program, you can read about it here through this link, and I have now have two gorgeous healthy children to show for it.

Your eggs lay dormant in your ovaries your entire life until it’s their time to ovulate.

It’s only in the three months prior to ovulation that the eggs start to mature. It’s during this critical window that your egg determines whether it’s going to have,  say, 23 pairs of chromosomes for example (the ideal number) instead of an anomaly. Sperm are produced in the two months prior to conception and are easily affected by environmental stressors and toxins. Good levels of nutrition and avoidance of toxins - such as those found in plastics and household chemicals, and oxidative stress from both the mother and the father reduce the risk of miscarriage, and support a full term healthy pregnancy.  This is backed by research.

But there’s more. What if your preconception behaviour helped switch on all the healthy genes? The intelligence genes? The creative genius? The athletic prowess? We don’t know for sure what’s possible, and this stuff is hard to prove. But if you’re as healthy as possible wouldn’t it make sense that the healthiest possible DNA is passed on to your offspring and allowed to thrive?

We know that nutritional deficit or absence of health affects the unborn negatively, so couldn’t the opposite be true to?

What we do know for sure is that preconception care DOES impact the success of conception and supports an uncomplicated full term pregnancy. The nutritional status of the mother, her weight, and the population of her micro biome (her gut bacteria) impact whether the child eventually develops allergies, asthma, obesity, autoimmune disease and autism spectrum disorders. Emerging science associates the fathers age, diet, stress levels and alcohol consumption to the health of their offspring.

Pre-conception care really is the ultimate in preventative medicine. And it’s easy. I show you how in my upcoming online course Make the healthiest baby possible: A four month journey preparing your body to conceive. Sign up for my emails to stay in the loop.  In the meantime keep an eye out on my blog and Facebook live vids for tips on a healthy preconception care lifestyle.

Why I'm quitting wine time

When I went on holidays four months ago now I started a nightly wine habit. At the end of the day with all my time taken by the demands of my children, sipping a glass of wine while I cook dinner gives a consistent and easy ‘break.’ An delightful escape while still in the throes of dinner, bath, bedtime and clean-up. Its dependable, wine doesn’t let me down.  The subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle shift in sobriety feels like a reward for being prevented from thinking in complete sentences or following a thought process through to action by the constant interruptions and demands of toddlers.

But it’s bad for me. It’s so bad for me. the sugar, the useless calories, the inflammation.  I’m sure it’s ageing me, and I’ve become such a snacker. I’ve gained weight to a point where I no longer feel that great about my hips. And definitely not my calves. My kids have started talking about my tummy. My intuition is cloudier, and it’s starting to take me longer to get going in the morning. I don’t want this anymore.

I know, from experience that once I abstain for a couple of weeks I won’t ever think about it or miss it. But it hasn’t been easy to stop. I open a bottle and have one, maybe two glasses, Andy has one or two, and then there’s still plenty left for the next night and even the night after that. It becomes a nightly habit so easily.

I might go two or three days without wine most weeks. After this short break it feels like wine is a non-issue and rather fun, so I or my husband get another bottle and then we have another couple of nights supply. The habit is fed. It’s a subtle addiction cycle.

The physiology of addiction generally means a release of neurotransmitters such as GABA and dopamine in a rush that is mildly to strongly euphoric. And then in the absence and lack of the neurotransmitter the cravings come. 'Have that substance again so you can feel good’ Your brain and body calls out to you. It’s a cycle, an unnecessary cycle that keeps you trapped always wanting more.

I need to wade through the discomfort with grace and elegance like a dancing crane, according to a reading of my Kuan Yin oracle* cards today. Wading through the discomfort is most definitely necessary.

The challenge is leaning into the discomfort instead of away from it with yet another glass of wine. It takes is a willingness to get to the other side. When in those moments of discomfort if I just allow myself to be there feeling it (oh my god the kids are driving me crazy…) and experience that it’s really not that bad.  It’s bearable.  I have to keep my own promise to myself by choosing not to pour a glass.

With some patience and focus the cravings will disappear, the habit will be forgotten and I won’t even think about it.

My desire to do better is divinely guided.

Grief and your inner wisdom

On the Friday just past I lost my darling dog Jim.  

He was my constant companion these last 13 years, since I was 21. He represented a time of freedom, My early adulthood. He was our love child. Andy and I got Jim because we loved each other so much. He was the beginning of our family.

We had been together for a year and been trying to settle in Melbourne, but it wasn’t happening. We went to Phillip Island for a weekend getaway and there we saw a beautiful border collie running up the beach, his long mane flowing in the wind. In that moment we had a shared epiphany.

Thats what we wanted. Let’s do that. Andy returned to Perth and within the space of a week had a job, a car, a house and a border collie puppy from Pinjarra. He named him Jim.

I stayed in Melbourne for a couple more weeks, hanging out with my bestie Kat. It was the last time I would see her. She passed 4 months later. I remember how Jim was there with a happy face as I sat in the back garden bleary eyed and and shellshocked with her passing. How he walked with me to Kirkwoods deli at 6am the morning after so I could buy some cigarettes. How oblivious he seemed to my pain. How he taught me that life goes on.

I have not felt grief since, until now.

When I think back on those years Jims presence was a true light. He was soft and shiny and incredibly handsome. So full of love, and cuddles. And present moment joy.

He truly looked like my relative, I’d think. A member of my soul family.

He grew to be somewhat of a familiar. Sitting outside the shiatsu room as I gave massages. Helping bring through the light.

He ran with me, for years. Regular 5k runs. No lead necessary. No lead necessary because he was dependably obedient. Wait, wait, wait, wait, OK. He pissed on everything. Got in a couple of nasty fights, but mostly ran away and avoided challenge. Sometimes he even crossed the road to avoid an ominous dog up ahead.

He used to be amused when we picked up after him.

Nothing made him happier than going out for walks with the family, his pack.

When Andy and I had a cuddle. Jim would come and join in.

Once I had Evie, three years ago now,  I couldn’t pay him attention in the same way. When John John came along I could do so even less. I’m biologically wired to focus on my children, as are all mothers. In these last few months I’ve been more aware of him, more able to let him in again. More conscious to give him pats and attention. But nothing like what it was for the first ten years of his life, before we had babies, when I loved him with my whole being and could devote my attention to him.

I did still of course, love him, but I wasn’t in touch with that part of me. I was distracted by the overwhelming demands of my own children. Even on Thursday night when Andy was gravely concerned about Jims health I found it difficult to emotionally connect to the situation. Then that night I had a prophetic dream where I was being accused of ‘hating jim’ …that I started bawling my eyes out (in the dream) and explaining I did love him I just haven’t had time or the emotional energy or space since having my children. The emotion was raw and fierce and most importantly, connected me with the love I have for Jim. Evie and John John both woke up at the same time right in the midst of this dreaming, unusually early at 5am. Because of the rude awakening my emotional connection to Jim stayed with me. This was a gift from my consciousness preparing me for the day ahead.

I was grumpy all morning until Andy left to drop the children off at daycare. Then I went back to bed. In bed I cried for Jim. I cried and cried like he was already passed. I thought to myself, why don’t you go and actually pat him, he’s just sitting outside. I did. He moved his head to meet my hand, fur still so soft, eyes a bit cloudy.

Even with all this emotion and readiness, it was shocking and hard to hear he needed to be put down that day. To prolong his life anymore was simply cruel, and risky.

I saw him on his bed. His head down. His shoulders slumped. There was a flatness about his energy, his spirit was ready to leave his body.

Andy took him to the vet and left him for examination, expecting to pick him up again and bring him home for recovery. Within a couple of hours they’d called with some bad news. Prepare for him to go.

I got in the car with Andy, breathed out heavy. We had a gorgeous dog with us all this time, for nearly all of our relationship, but today is the day he dies. I breathed out again.

The last couple of days have been a process of grief. I’m in no hurry to move on. I’m feeling all the sadness in the way it needs to be felt.

I’ve found my own inner wisdom gives the most healing inspiration.  The day after I dug out the old photo albums. I saw all the happy times, the fun, his youth and beauty, the thousands of walks over thirteen years.

I did some restorative yoga. The movement helped move and release the emotion in my body.

That afternoon I watched Marley and Me, the movie helped clarify and validate my experience. It soothed me.

I watched a wrinkle in time, more soul medicine.

I went to birthday party and spoke to friends, I went to a workshop and sat circle with women.

I wrote, I kept feeling called to write but I sat at my computer for an hour not able to, just feeling pain.  I went to give up many times but my inner wisdom told me to sit back down and keep trying. and I did, and now I’ve written I feel much better. More healed.

Your own inner wisdom knows the best medicine.

How blessed we have been.

The secret to excellent health

When 'The Secret' came out 10 years or so ago my colleagues at my office job used to make fun of it. “Oh yeah, I want that diamond ring…look, theres one on the floor”

This documentary, now available on Netflix, sensationalised the concept of The law of attraction, and focused on material objects as the focus.

This is a tricky subject to approach. In many respects it sounds too good to be true. The law of attraction sounds impossible in a universe built on randomness and chance.

However I don’t believe this is a universe built on randomness and chance.   I’m sharing this today because in my experience, the law of attraction works. As a health practitioner, I feel I’d be doing a disservice not to talk about this.

The law of attraction isn’t just about dreaming up a perfect house and a flush bank account, it encompasses everything. Your relationships, your health, your experiences, the people you meet.

What we focus on becomes our reality. 

The trick is learning how to focus on what we want, not on what we don’t want. A practice much harder then it sounds.

This practice of deliberate focus and gratitude are interwoven components of the good life. The life you want to live.

No matter how much effort you go to, how many long walks and special diets.  if in your head you are battling with bad health, bad health is what you’ll have.

Instead embrace the good health you have. You have a bad hip, concentrate on the feeling in your good one, or in your pain free toes.

 In debilitating conditions this takes a masterful amount of self control. I’m not there (yet), we’re all learning, we’re all on the path. This is something that takes practice.

 When sick we focus on the feeling of the symptoms. It hard not to when it’s right there in your face. The pain, the discomfort, the disability. Instead try and focus on what’s going right for you right now.

The other night I had a tickle in my throat, my son has been coughing for a couple of weeks. Maybe I’d caught his bug. Instead of concentrating on the tickle and slight cough that was developing, I tried hard to focus on the times in between, where my breathing was easy, my nose was clear. Where I felt healthy, normal and comfortable.

The next morning I was better. My cough didn’t return the following night, though I had a slight sore throat in the evening again. .I’ve healed. I’ve had to blow my nose a couple of times, but of much and I’m not uncomfortable at all.

Over the two days I also chomped down a couple of doses of a herbal immune support supplement including echinacea, withania, andrographis and mushrooms to boost my immune system. And took a load of vitamin C and zinc. You have to take action if you want your desires to manifest. 

According to the book Money and the Law of Attraction by Jerry and Esther Hicks,  the best way to practice positive thinking is to upgrade your thoughts.

So if you have a thought that makes you feel bad or defeated, try for another thought that makes you feel slightly better, and then another thought that makes you feel slightly better again.

This was me the other night:  Oh no my throat hurts and I’m coughing. I hope this doesn’t develop and hang around for weeks.

To:  I’m not coughing right now this is good

To: I feel so relaxed, comfortable and well.

Do you see how being very much being in the moment makes these thought upgrades possible. In the above scenario - the one I lived the other night. I would cough a few moments later, but I brought my thoughts back to how well I feel in the moments I wasn’t coughing, and kept this up until I fell asleep.

This is not always easy, but all you can do is your best.

So what do you want to attract into your life?

Focus on feeling connected with your partner, your children. Focus on the love and respect you have for them. Focus on how well you feel, and all the things your body does right. Focus on the abundance you have available to you, the pay deposited in your bank account, the savings accumulating, the extreme comfort you live in.

And what you focus on will multiply. Not necessarily in a physical sense, but through your perception.You will perceive more of the good stuff.  

I highly recommend some further reading, such as the books by Esther and Jerry Hicks.

Marianne Williamson The Law of Divine Compensation.

Author Pam Grout has written a couple of books setting up experiments using the Law of Attraction. I haven’t read these but they’ve been sell outs so they might be fun play with.

Watch 'The Secret' on Netflix, there’s also a book of the same name.

Have you had a good experience with the law of attraction? Please share your story in the comments below.

Blessings

Oh by the way, I'm Pregnant. Conception story number 2.

From my Journal 31 May 2016  

As I made my morning coffee I pondered what activities and tasks I could achieve today to make my life great. Evie played happily, grateful to be up with access to toys after I made her lie in bed with me for an hour longer then she really wanted to.

I saw the opportunity to write.

Now I’m sitting at my table, an adorable small girl sits underneath. I realise she is sucking on the end of my computer charger and take it from her grasp. Bigger then this is the realisation that I haven’t journaled at all since I discovered I was pregnant the Thursday before last.

I had been in denial about this pregnancy. I didn’t feel ready as Evie wakes every few hours in the night still. I was so busy with mothering my existing child. My period should have come in, but no, I told myself, I’m not pregnant. I kept asking my intuitive hand, it sounds a bit odd but I can use this hand like a pendulum, like my own internal compass.  It gave me a shaky no each time I asked if I was pregnant. I felt relief, but not convinced.

I consulted the tarot. The Star: Wonderful news, make long term plans.

I attended a weekend workshop where we did a scrying exercise. This is where we looked into a dish of water to access our consciousness, similar to looking into a crystal ball. My question again was,  Am I Pregnant? And then I connected with the little light that is this new child. We were both like lights in this space. Tiny little lights. “Mum,” said this little light. “I’m here Mum” I felt this spirit and I loved her deeply. So deeply. It was so wonderful to be in her presence, like being home, together in a space that felt so right. I knew I was her mother, but I was still in denial telling myself “You’re my future child right? You’re not coming right now?” Even though the togetherness made me want her now in that moment.

The workshop leader drew the scrying session to a close. She asked everyone for a word to describe their experience but I had none. I was emotionally stunned. So in love, I yearned to be back in that place with that little spirit.

But I still didn’t believe I was pregnant. I’d been to the Iron Maiden concert the night before and downed an Espresso Martini and two glasses of champagne.

Earlier that week I’d been enjoying a glass of wine almost every night. And earlier still since this conception I drank way more wine then is respectable when we had a friend over for dinner.

I hadn’t been taking my preconception vitamins. I was in denial.

The following Wednesday Andy brought home a bottle of Pinot Noir. The TV was off that night. We had dinner at the table and bonded over the wine. It was one of those special rare nights when it’s about each other. My lover, my friend. Later that night I lay awake wondering where my period was. It definitely should be here by now. I’d been getting my period on the new moon like clockwork, and now the moon was nearly full.

Upon waking in the morning Andy had taken Evie out into the lounge with him and conveniently had a late start. I decided to get a pregnancy test from the chemist before my first wee of the day.

Once home again Andy was in the throes of cleaning up a diarrhoea disaster. He pleaded for some help but I apologised. I was desperate for a wee and had business to attend to.

And so I sat on the toilet and peed on the stick. The pregnancy line started to darken and it was unmistakable. I was still sitting on the toilet, with the door open and Andy standing just outside the door his hands dirty from the mess and trying to figure out what to do with the soiled play pen mat.

“I’m pregnant” I said. “your pregnant.” He seemed mildly happy, amidst the chaos of the moment. I pulled my jeans up and went over to hug him, but he was still holding his hands out in front of him like germ-ridden cesspits of disease, messy from Evie’s poo. We didn’t hug, but rather hovered near each other in a moment of acknowledgement.

The rest of that day is a daze of shock. I imagined I might go to a shopping centre and wander around aimlessly.   – end of journal entry

The shopping trip never eventuated. The shock lasted days I remember. I felt immense guilt that I hadn’t been practicing any preconception care and hoped the little guy wouldn’t suffer. He’s fine, skin’s a bit sensitive to soap and regular sunscreen in contrast to baby Evie who had impeccable preconception care and has the constitution of 10 strong horses. You can read her conception story here.  

He also turned out to be a boy – another shock -  and I was convinced I’d only have girls! I did go shopping after this discovery, for a little boys outfit. Shopping is quite a soother for me but that’s another story.

Andy and I had managed to avoid pregnancy naturally for about 10 years. We hadn't been using any contraception other then cycle tracking and natural methods. After Evie was born I was busy, and my cycle tracking wasn't as thorough, I guess I got complacent. I believe though children come at exactly the right time, and what a chubby happy blessing he is. My heart is so full.