I was grumpy all morning until Andy left to drop the children off at daycare. Then I went back to bed. In bed I cried for Jim. I cried and cried like he was already passed. I thought to myself, why don’t you go and actually pat him, he’s just sitting outside. I did. He moved his head to meet my hand, fur still so soft, eyes a bit cloudy.
Even with all this emotion and readiness, it was shocking and hard to hear he needed to be put down that day. To prolong his life anymore was simply cruel, and risky.
I saw him on his bed. His head down. His shoulders slumped. There was a flatness about his energy, his spirit was ready to leave his body.
Andy took him to the vet and left him for examination, expecting to pick him up again and bring him home for recovery. Within a couple of hours they’d called with some bad news. Prepare for him to go.
I got in the car with Andy, breathed out heavy. We had a gorgeous dog with us all this time, for nearly all of our relationship, but today is the day he dies. I breathed out again.
The last couple of days have been a process of grief. I’m in no hurry to move on. I’m feeling all the sadness in the way it needs to be felt.
I’ve found my own inner wisdom gives the most healing inspiration. The day after I dug out the old photo albums. I saw all the happy times, the fun, his youth and beauty, the thousands of walks over thirteen years.
I did some restorative yoga. The movement helped move and release the emotion in my body.
That afternoon I watched Marley and Me, the movie helped clarify and validate my experience. It soothed me.
I watched a wrinkle in time, more soul medicine.
I went to birthday party and spoke to friends, I went to a workshop and sat circle with women.
I wrote, I kept feeling called to write but I sat at my computer for an hour not able to, just feeling pain. I went to give up many times but my inner wisdom told me to sit back down and keep trying. and I did, and now I’ve written I feel much better. More healed.
Your own inner wisdom knows the best medicine.
How blessed we have been.
For the sake of better health, I want you to think seriously and honestly about what habits are impacting negatively on your health and what can you can do to avoid those triggers.